


crumbling foundation

by Areiton



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Post-Season/Series 12, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 02:35:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10957884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Areiton/pseuds/Areiton
Summary: He smiles a little because it’s easy. It’s a bedrock truth, a foundation, and even with the foundation crumbling in dusty wings, this truth hasn’t changed.





	crumbling foundation

He isn’t drunk. 

Sam is drunk. Has been for what feels like an eternity. And yeah, he should go check on that. Because there’s a few things--not many, but a few--that are foundation level truths. 

Things he’s built his whole life on. 

Except--

Cas was one. 

Had been for almost ten years, was a truth so deeply rooted into who he was, that he didn’t know how to  _ be _ without that damn angel at his side, rolling his eyes, pissed off, eternally awkward, and constant love. 

God, how did he get to this point, how did he wait  _ this fucking long _ to admit that thing he’d always seen. 

Cas loved him. 

No. 

His hands tremble a little as he sits there and he takes a deep breath. Steadies his grip and refocuses his thoughts. 

_ Sam is his to protect _ . That was a bedrock truth. Had been since he was four. He’d thought maybe that would change, when Mary came back, but it hadn’t, and that was it’s own special brand of hell, realizing again just how little he could count on. 

And Cas was his.  _ Cas was his _ . Had been since the moment the angel pulled him from the pit. Sometimes Dean wishes he remembered that, remembered his rescue. He thinks about it, sometimes, dreams about it, about the shining blue light and black shadowed wings, and Castiel, all righteous fury and eager intent, pulling him free. 

He wishes like hell he could remember. But he can’t and he made peace with that a long time ago, around the time he accepted that Castiel belonged to him, that other guys got white fences and baseball practice, and soft warm curves to go home to--and he got a codependent brother, a car with shit gas milage, and an angel as possessive and protective as he adoring. 

He didn’t get it. Didn’t understand what Cas saw in him. But he quit trying to figure it out, because if he did, maybe Cas would realize--it’s not worth staying. Dean isn’t worth staying for. 

And then he’d leave and he--

His hands are shaking again, and his vision is blurry. 

Everything is shaking. He thinks that’s what’s supposed to happen, when the foundation cracks. 

But what about when it shatters? 

His did, in black wings burnt on the ground, shattered the bedrock of his life. 

Sammy is drunk, and Dean should go check on that. 

There’s another thing. One other thing he has built his life on, a fact as irrefutable as  _ Sammy is his to protect _ and  _ Castiel is his.  _

He smiles a little because it’s easy. It’s a bedrock truth, a foundation, and even with the foundation crumbling in dusty wings, this truth hasn’t changed. 

_ Dean Winchester is a killer. _

He can hear Sam, and he feels a pang of grief, of longing, a wish for something else, for something better, for  _ Cas.  _

His hands are shaking. 

He can’t see through the tears, and when did that happen? 

Well, maybe better, when did he stop crying? Did he ever? He doesn’t remember and it doesn’t matter, because the whole world is shaking and Cas….

Cas is dead. 

Cas is dead. 

There are some things that are irrefutable truths, things he knows right down to the bedrock of his soul. Sammy is his to protect. Cas is his. 

And Dean Winchester is a killer. 

He smiles and lifts the gun, and it’s easy. So easy. 

It’s who  he is. 

He closes his eyes and Cas is there, wings burnt on the ground. 

One last kill, then. One last kill and it’s done. 

He smiles, when he pulls the trigger. 


End file.
